Babe In My Heart, Blogs

The Long Fight

May 17, 2019

By Lindsey Taylor, Guest Blogger

Sometimes, it would be so much easier to just give up. Give up everything you have worked for. For some people months and years. All of the doctor’s appointments, and ultra sounds, the monthly medications, the daily meditations, a roller coaster of emotions. The daily self-work, the constant self-talks. Acupuncture, exercise, all of it.

It would be so easy to quit fighting, to give up hope.

Four years ago my older sister had twins! TWINS. Then this February, my twin sister had a baby. A beautiful baby girl. It crushed me. While I was absolutely over the moon for my sister(s) and love my new little niece more than anything, I wanted it to be me.

My husband and I have fought for almost 4 years. FOUR YEARS. Four long, lonely years. Each year, longer than the last one. Waiting each month for that tiny glimmer of hope, to see two lines. But still no baby, not pregnant. We just finished our last and final round of Menopure (Injections) as well as our 5th IUI. Knowing it was my last round made it all the more stressful. Would this be it? Crushed to find out, it didn’t work.

I think what I struggle with the most is that this is my life. My childless life, constantly wishing and wanting to get pregnant. To feel what morning sickness is like, to feel my baby kick, I want all of that. It’s a constant uphill battle to fight for all of this.

I found myself falling into a deep dark depression. Slipping away from the reality of what was, and still is, losing my true self.

Some months we go out of town to “relax” to take our minds off of what we think about day in and day out. Most days we give all of our love to our dogs, Bueller & Kobe.

I constantly have to tell myself; I will not let the stress of infertility take over my life.

No matter where you are in your journey, Keep fighting. Be your own advocate if you have to. It’s okay to have dark days, but it is so important to keep your spirits high.

It’s not going to be easy, but don’t give up.

I remind myself about the hope I have in my heart. The hope I have that one day, I will hear the word “MOM” and it will be my child saying it to me.

My heart is constantly with all of you beautiful women trying to conceive. Weather its your first or your fifth child, If you are considering adoption or IVF, or whatever you do, I’m with you, we all are.

Remember “You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”- Maya Angelou

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