“The Wound is Where the Light Enters”

Hello Friends! My name is Alexis and I created WTF in 2014 during one of the most difficult times of my life. It’s tough for me to even think about it all these years later. You see, I was having trouble getting pregnant and the weight of infertility was crushing me. I have wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. Not like when the timing was right or after I’d traveled the world, faced my fears, achieved dream job status etc etc. Nope. For me, I’ve wanted to have a baby forever.  So after finally finding my loving, supportive and wonderful husband, Gabe and getting married, we wasted no time trying for a baby. Our roller coaster ride to parenthood begins here.

Gabe and I tried for 4 years to have a baby and we were met with nothing but heartache and disappointment. During those years we endured 2 miscarriages, 5 rounds of clomid, 1 IUI, 3 rounds of IVF, 1 Varicocele surgery for hubby and one failed adoption. Those are just the cliff notes of this painful and emotional journey. Oh and it wasn’t just the infertility treatments…we tried everything you have ever heard of! I did acupuncture, I juiced day and night, I became a vegetarian briefly, I ate lots of meat for a while, I gave up alcohol, I gave up coffee, I drank raw eggs, I tried herbs and supplements, I stressed, I became zen, I cried, I prayed and a time or two I laughed. I even went to a Mayan Abdominal Therapist?! Have you ever even heard of Mayan Abdominal Therapy?!!? WTF, right? I pretty much did everything I had been told/read about…all that and still no baby.

So why can’t we just get knocked up like the rest of the world? The doctors didn’t know. Several doctors ran every single test humanly possible on me and I passed every one with flying colors. My body was perfectly primed for parenthood. (Hubby passed his tests too!) So I was diagnosed with “Unexplained Infertility.” Ugh, it basically means that they don’t know what the problem is, therefore cannot fix it. One of my doctors told me that I would never be able to get pregnant. You can’t imagine how those words crushed me.

To say those 4 years were a devastating and debilitating time for us as a couple is an understatement. It’s so true, when you want to have a baby it feels like the whole dang world is pregnant but you. All of my best friends, family, co-workers, girls who didn’t want to get pregnant, girls who had been pregnant and were now pregnant a second time, celebs, dog, cats, fish. (Can fish even get pregnant?) I mean Kim Kardashian got freakin’ pregnant?! Literally everyone in the world was pregnant. Baby Showers, family events, get togethers with friends…it was all too difficult for me. At times I struggled with even leaving the house in fear of seeing a cute baby and sinking deeper into depression.


FINALLY in 2015 the tides turned when we committed to adopting our beautiful son Grant. He wasn’t born yet, but we were hopeful that he would someday be ours. A week after meeting our birthmom, I miraculously discover I’m pregnant! No IVF, no fertility treatments, nothing…just God! Even though I’d been told I’d never be able to get pregnant, I had remained hopeful that it would happen and finally it was a reality. Soooo after years of pain and struggling, my story has a happy ending after all! Grant was born in March of 2016, 6.5 weeks early, but now he’s healthy and growing and so incredibly sweet! And in August 2016, Grant became a big brother to our darling rainbow baby, Gianna! These two miracles are just 5 months apart- my “almost twins!”

My heart is overflowing and I have never ever been so happy as I am right now. It’s almost overwhelming. BUT I can’t help but think of all my sisters that are still trying to conceive and remembering the pain and isolation of infertility. It’s like you’re a part of this exclusive club that you DO NOT want membership to. All you want is to get out of the hellish infertility world, have a baby and get on with your life. I totally get it. I want you to know that I’m thinking of you and praying for you and hope that perhaps my story will lift your spirits even a teeny bit. Even though I was able to get pregnant, I still feel like I’m technically in the “infertile” category because the pain of what we went through will always remain. Also for anyone thinking about adoption I’m here for you. Adopting Grant is by far THE best thing that’s ever happened to me! He is a part of my heart and soul and I could not imagine my life without him.

Our fertility story isn’t quite over just yet. My husband and I would like to have more children, but we don’t know exactly how that will happen. I have no idea if I can ever get pregnant again, but if I can’t we are so excited to foster or adopt or do whatever it takes to build our family. WTF is here for you to provide information and resources along with my personal knowledge of infertility, ivf, adoption, pregnancy and parenthood. Whatever you’re going through, remember this, friends: the darker the storm, the brighter the rainbow. Sending you light, love and of course lots of BABY DUST! xoxo Alexis

What The Fertility

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