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Report Card

July 6, 2014

Yesterday I didn’t feel like writing. I figured no one wants to be reading about my fertility issues on a holiday weekend. Isn’t everyone outside at the beach, in a pool or at a lake having a beer and BBQing with friends and family? Aren’t we all celebrating America’s Independence and enjoying a few days off? Well maybe most people. Gabe and I tried our best to get into the patriotic spirit this weekend, but we just didn’t have it in us.

On Friday we got some tough news. Out of the 13 eggs we got, only 5 of them fertilized?! I was suuuuper disappointed. That’s an understatement. I thought for sure we’d have at least 10 eggs to chose from? The small number complicates things because with such a small amount of eggs, would the PGD testing even make sense? Ideally you do the testing when you have a large sample so you can get more information. And then if we do the PGD testing on Day 3 would we even have any viable eggs left for the transfer on Day 5. Ugh. 

I woke up at 7:00am this morning to a buzzing cellphone. My Doctor was on the other end. While I was sleeping, my eggs were being graded. Seriously, it’s the only way to determine the overachievers from the flunkies. My sweet little 5 embryos passed! They report read like a high school report card…A+, A+, A-, B+, B-. Not bad little babes!! (Isn’t it so funny that even at 3 days old the kiddos are already being graded. No wonder so many kids have self esteem issues later in life. Can’t they just be kids!) So the Doctor recommends that we go ahead with the PGD testing. With 5 healthy embryos, it’s possible we’ll glean some important information.

 I should say…while I’m very relieved to hear that my sweeties are currently thriving, I am cautiously optimistic. We were in the exact same spot last round of IVF. We had 6 good looking embryos on Day 3. It was Day 5 when it all changed. They didn’t grow and develop properly. We transferred 2 anyway, hoping that they would take, but obviously they did not.

Soooo, that’s where we are. Kind of in a weird place. In addition to all this, we got some bad news about my Nonni  (grandma in Italian) yesterday. My sweet little 94 year old Nonni fell in the middle of the night and broke her hip. She had emergency surgery yesterday morning and is ok now but it’s going to be a long road to recovery. She already has dementia so you can imagine how difficult this on her body. Poor little love. She’s just the funniest, sweetest, kindest woman. I fear that she may never be “herself” again. Also, my heart breaks for my Nonno. Those two have been married for 73 years…together for 77! He doesn’t even know what to do without her. These next few months are going to be tough on them and my poor parents. (My dad is an only child so he takes full responsibility for their well being.) Gabe and I are going to make an effort to get back to Sacramento as much as we can to be with them. There is nothing that would bring me more joy than to tell they are going to be great grandparents. (We actually did tell them the first time we were pregnant. Yes, I realize we may have told them a bit too early, but you just never know how much time you have left with someone. We recorded their reaction…it is priceless. I will share it with you all someday.)

My cute little Nonni and Nonno a few weeks ago at their home in Sacramento.

My cute little Nonni and Nonno a few weeks ago at their home in Sacramento.

During IVF, everyone tells you to relax and don’t stress. But ya know what, life is stressful.  There’s nothing you can do to stop the world around you. Sometimes stuff happens and you just can’t control it. So I say embrace it. To quote a book/movie that I really love The Fault In Our Stars, “Pain demands to be felt.” If ya wanna stress…STRESS! If you feel like crying…CRY!  And as my husband says, if you feel like a glass of wine…DRINK!

Oh and here’s a tip….going through this process, there is literally nothing more annoying than when someone says, “Don’t stress.”  Seriously? If you were on a drug induced emotional roller coaster ride would you be stressed? Well let me tell you the answer is YES! Life can be sad and painful and scary, but it is also precious and sweet and beautiful. I choose to recognize and embrace it all. 

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  • Reply Vikki Wheeler July 6, 2014 at 10:33 am

    Saying lots of prayers for you & Gabe & those little babes!

  • Reply Mary July 6, 2014 at 10:44 am

    Alexis, life is stressful and no matter what anyone
    tells you, it’s not something that you can turn off
    automatically . You’re a strong woman that seems
    to come from a strong family. My prayers are with
    your grandparents which have a wonderful love.
    This is your time to hit the jackpot for a baby, I can feel
    it from all the prayers. Keep your chin up and look
    toward the future of adding to your own family .
    love and prayer my friend.

    • Reply Alexis July 6, 2014 at 1:56 pm

      I sure hope so! Thanks so much for your prayers Mary XOXO

  • Reply Linda Gloria July 6, 2014 at 10:52 am

    Alexis, I’m very sorry about your Grandma. I’m glad she came through surgery just fine. I will keep her in my prayers. Your babies are very smart & beautiful. Fingers, toes & everything crossed that this time everything works just right. How many eggs are they going to input? I won’t tell you to not stress, I’d be climbing. The walls. Just know that a lot of people love & care about you & we are all here for you through the good times & bad. Much love & respect to you & Gabe

    • Reply Alexis July 6, 2014 at 1:56 pm

      We plan to transfer 2, if we have 2 healthy embroys. Thank you for the prayers XOXO

  • Reply Chef Tess July 6, 2014 at 10:56 am

    Bwhaha. “Don’t Stress” is the worst thing to say…that and, “Hand in there”. Enjoy the journey…Okay. Maybe not enjoy it, but just know that embracing the good and the bad is so hard to do and nobody can really know what you’re going through…but we can say, “We love you and wish we could.” Prayers and thoughts are being offered in your behalf darling. Love you!! We had a long struggle to get our guys here too, and it is worth every effort. Promise.

    • Reply Alexis July 6, 2014 at 1:54 pm

      Yes, that’s exactly what I need to hear. Thank Tess!! Much love to you and your fam xoxo

  • Reply peggy jones July 6, 2014 at 11:43 am

    I will start today my precious novena to St. Teresa to keep you in her heart. I just realized you were working to get a family started and remembered years ago I was in that same spot, but we had no process to help at that time. Took several years and a very good new year’s party but we eventually had two wonderful girls, now in their mid forties and with similar problems. Live happily, little one, and we miss seeing you here in Phoenix. Lots of love always.

    • Reply Alexis July 6, 2014 at 1:54 pm

      Haha, must have some NYE party. I hope it works out for us just the same. Thank you XOXO

  • Reply Jen B July 6, 2014 at 12:10 pm

    Alexis, I watched you in Phoenix. I wish you and your husband the best on your journey. I was on that journey approximately 16 years ago. I remember the pain, the stress, the tears. I am now mom to one happy, healthy 15 yo son through adoption.

    Since then I have been through a divorce and am blissfully remarried. I never lost hope of being able to get pregnant, though the odds were slim. That was until a bear emergency hysterectomy last summer at age 41. What I did find out is that a pregnancy would never have been sustainable for me as the pregnancy would never have been viable and likely would have killed me. God spoke to me loud and clear with that message.

    I wish you and your husband a happy, healthy baby – and please don’t forget there are many paths to create a family. I hope this path works for you. Everything will work out in time, just as it should.

    Keep the faith. ??

    • Reply Alexis July 6, 2014 at 1:53 pm

      Adoption is definitely an option that we’re excited about, but we want to try this way first. If it doesn’t work then it’s because God is sending us our message. Thanks for the support! XO

  • Reply Theresa Diaz July 6, 2014 at 12:31 pm

    I hope the next few days go well. You are my prayers these days. XOXO-Theresa

    • Reply Alexis July 6, 2014 at 1:52 pm

      Thank you sweet friend XOXO

  • Reply Anonymous July 6, 2014 at 2:18 pm

    Praying for your dreams to be fulfilled with God’s plan. . . . I think it’s wonderful that you can express your feeling with these words and hopefully it eases a teeny bit of pressure your heart is feeling. Oh so sorry to hear about your Nonni and Nonno. . . . . .. What a beautiful legacy they have created in you and your father and family. May they be comfortable and without suffering and pain as they heal, I hope you can feel some of the love and positivity that is coming your way. . . . . I am one of your Aunt Sandi’s friends!

  • Reply Patti July 6, 2014 at 3:06 pm

    Sending you positive thoughts and prayers for the five little embroys to flourish. Also, prayer for your precious grandparents. God bless them. XO

  • Reply Kathy S July 6, 2014 at 5:01 pm

    Alexis and Gabe You are in my thoughts everyday. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. Aleis I watched u in San Diego and was sad for u to leave but happy that u got to spend more time with GAbe. Time is so percious. And as for people to say don’t stress I feel they haven’t been in a situation where stress is the time of day. U are learning that each day is a roller coaster and I am positive that roller coaster is coming to a soft stop for u and your little babies will be there for you. I am a mom of a beautiful daughter who had mononucleois for year, was ready to back to work and she found lumps in her lgmphnodes and was diagnoses with breast cancer. She started thru treatment in December and will continue for another year with different types of procedures. The reason I am telling u this is many, many people tell her to stay strong and she does but what do they actually mea. It is kind but bothersome. So when people say don’t stress they are probaly trying to be positive. I known your mom is going through pain with u and that is what moms are for. U will have that pleasure too, I am positive. Good doctors are the best And it sounds like nu have great ones. Love u even though I have never met u

  • Reply Mary July 8, 2014 at 6:08 pm

    Alexis – I have been a fan of your since your AZ days and have been on this same journey! My husbad (a MD) and myself (a family therapist) thought we had all the knowledge on how to process the road of IVF, after all, we have all the education right?!? NO freaking way!! After a failed cycle our first time (we only had 2 embryos make it out of 9 transferee both and neither took) our second round resulted in our healthy son, and our third (we only had 5 embryos make it to test and only 2 came back normal, I def support the testing, you gain a lot of knowledge from the results) we were blessed with twin daughters! It only takes 1! You’re so right, nothing can bring you comfort while you’re pumped full of all those drugs, people really don’t get the grieving that is encompassed with infertility. I am feeling for you guys!

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