Babe In My Heart, Blogs

Praying For What Will Be

December 5, 2017

Written by Mary James, guest blogger

My husband, Brandon and I have been together for twelve years, married for 2 of those years. On the first day we met, at ages 18 and 19, we knew we loved each other. We always promised to make each other happy and worked hard to get to this wonderful chapter in our lives. Our plan was to graduate college, get married, buy a house, and then have babies. So far, we have accomplished everything on our list, but are still waiting on the babies.

Last August, I found out I was pregnant. We were so very excited and couldn’t wait to share the news with our family! We had a big family dinner and announced the great news! It was a beautiful moment where everyone cried and hugged! But, the excitement would soon fade.

Weeks later at a doctor’s appointment, blood work had shown my HCG levels were not where they needed to be. A week after that, my levels had declined significantly. My doctor sat down with me and suggested I prepare myself for a “spontaneous abortion”.

I was devastated.

I didn’t know how to tell my husband or my family. On the drive home from the doctor’s office, all I could think about was everyone else. How was my mother going to take it? What about my poor husband? And my sister? I did not take the time to think about myself and process my emotions. I felt like I failed and could not figure out what I did wrong to deserve this. I was so excited to begin this journey of motherhood, and suddenly, it was all gone.

As a nurse, it is our nature to care for others, often forgetting that sometimes we need to be taken care of, too. The next step for me was to get healthy and focus on self-care. I completely changed my diet, lost weight, switched from night shift to day shift, exercised, and started practicing yoga. By making the decision is take care of me, I began to notice the difference in my mind and body and felt great!

Today, Brandon and I are happy and healthy. We have a supportive family and a tremendous love between the both of us. We often pray for a child and wonder where we will be the day we find out we are pregnant. We wonder who our child will look like? who will he or she act like? What will he or she be when they grow up? We can only pray that this child will come when the time is right and know deep in our hearts that one day we will be parents. So for now, we just pray… and consider this time in our life a journey.

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