Written by Danisha Keating, Guest Blogger
I was pregnant in July and lost the baby in September. I thought the hardest part about infertility was seeing “negative” on my pregnancy tests, but something is starting to slowly sink in…. Holidays and infertility.
The common questions are just around the corner, “Have you guys considered trying?” or “What about trying now?” or “Do you even want children?” or the little comments of “One day you’ll have your own, but today you get to practice by loving on so-and-so’s baby.” The comments that stung when I heard them way before we got pregnant and had a miscarriage.
My husband works for a church, and as any woman, married or unmarried, the pressure can be real… People feel comfortable talking about timelines of when I should get pregnant, or that they will pray that it is soon that we have a baby or even how their miscarriage led to 3 healthy pregnancies. Some people have asked how many years we have been married, when we say 2, they respond so quickly with, “So babies are around the corner…” and my heart sinks.
I work in education and people will ask if I have kids and I respond with “no” and they follow up with, “Don’t you want kids though? You are not getting younger Mrs. Dani?” My heart aches… If this is my every day, I know holiday season conversations at families houses will be worse. Holiday seasons are also rough because it seems there are more holiday baby announcements and my heart is so excited to see them, and aches that we would have been pregnant for 5 1/2-6 months. We would have known the gender. We would have gotten Christmas gifts for the baby… We would have…….
This Christmas or holiday season, you may be facing the same worries that the holiday dinner table conversation will include questions on when you’ll have a baby or feeling awkward about the “infertility talk” with friends and family who just don’t get it. I am with you friend. I’m with you. Please remember now more than ever, it’s ok to lose it and cry. It’s ok to say, “I’d rather not discuss this.” and it’s ok to walk out of the room and excuse yourself. This season just isn’t easy. I’m with you in this.