Babe In My Heart, Blogs

Hope In Waiting

September 26, 2017

Written by Danielle Sedler, Guest Blogger

We’ve been waiting…and trying…and waiting some more. We are coming up on 5 years of trying to get pregnant. Three surgeries, 4 rounds of fertility drug assistance, and 2 rounds of IVF. We’re still waiting.
Throughout these infertile years, the only thing that has helped me through, is hope.
Hope in God to fulfill my yearning to be a mother.
Hope in God to heal my endometriosis.
Hope in God to fill my womb with a miracle baby.
I was pretty ashamed at first, to open up about the fact that we were struggling to conceive. But the moment I shared our struggle, it was so freeing and people have rallied around us in prayer. So many people have shared their own hope stories. And have held our arms up when we just haven’t had the strength.

My husband and I have been together since I was 15 and he was 17. When we first started dating, I had a large cyst on my ovary that had to be removed surgically. That was the beginning of this journey and I didn’t even know it. After we were married in 2010, we waited almost 3 years to start trying to conceive as we were both finishing college.
In April, we had our FET and transferred genetically perfect boy and girl embryos. My heart was guarded this time as our first one failed, hope was my driving force. A week later we got the call that I was pregnant. Every ounce of my body let out the biggest sigh of relief and excitement. This was it, we were finally going to be parents. I had terrible headaches at 1:00 pm every day, sore boobs, exhaustion like I never knew existed…but I loved every single second of it. And that pregnancy glow thing is real y’all, I totally had it.
Two weeks later we went in for our second HCG test to make sure my levels were rising. Sadly, my doctor got on the phone and told me he was sorry that my levels had dropped drastically and I was going to miscarry. I was numb and angry. I begged God to save our babies. I could not accept the news and told my doctor I was staying on my medications and I wanted to come in for an ultrasound to confirm there were no heartbeats. We went in and there was nothing. It is what science calls a Chemical Pregnancy, which I hate the term. I stopped my medications and 5 days later I miscarried.
The hole in my heart from our first failed IVF, just got larger. My dream happened, and then was all of a sudden gone. Why? How? I needed an answer. And this is where I will tell anyone going through fertility treatments, be your own advocate.
Don’t settle for having the same medication and IVF protocol as the gal next to you. Don’t settle with the “I’m sorry, let me know when you are ready to do the next embryo transfer”. Tell the doctor what you want and do your research.
We are going into this next embryo transfer taking charge of our journey and making sure certain tests are done. I’ve asked my doctor to be aggressive. I researched tests that should be done after recurring failed IVF’s and/or miscarriages. I recently had my natural killer cells tested to make sure I did not carry cells that would attack a pregnancy. Thankful that came back negative. Soon I will be having a thrombophilia panel done to make sure I do not have a blood clotting disorder. And after our next embryo transfer, I will have my progesterone levels monitored VERY closely to make sure they do not drop. We learned that progesterone levels are not checked with HCG levels at our fertility clinic.
Be your own advocate. Take charge of your fertility and what you want. Work alongside your doctor to ensure he isn’t missing something. It is a team effort and it is your money and your family you want to create. Even if all of the tests come back negative and all of my levels are normal, it is making this journey a little clearer knowing I am doing everything I can. It would be terrible to always have the “what if” factor alongside this already emotional roller coaster called infertility.
We’ve also started the process of becoming certified foster parents, in hopes of adopting through the foster system! More on that later.
So we continue to hope. Hope in carrying a biological child. Hope that God may already have a child out there for us through the foster system. Hope.
“Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see.” – Hebrews 11:1

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