Written by Sunsarae Jackson, Guest Blogger
Cayson: Courageous and tough; Unrelenting.
Courageous – Not deterred by danger or pain
Tough – Strong enough to withstand adverse conditions or rough or careless handling.
Unrelenting – Not softening or giving in easily.
I believe GOD allows you to go through things so that you can share your story. You never know how sharing your story can bring healing to someone else. I was diagnosed with PCOS back in 2000. Over the past 14 years we’ve attempted to start our family. We were unsuccessful after many failed attempts of IUI using trials of Clomid, Letrozole and Gonal F.
Although no one would choose to have fertility issues, I thank GOD that the technology exists to help those of us who do. I believe GOD uses medicine to assist those who struggle with fertility to have hope. As a woman who has tried to get pregnant many times, attempting and failing was the hardest thing ever.
When starting treatment there is so much hope that maybe this time the meds will work and we will reach our goal of getting a healthy follicle to grow. To returning the day of ultrasound just to be told the meds didn’t work and there was no follicular growth at all. It’s just heartbreaking. Going through this caused so much pain in my marriage. Feelings of inadequacy on my part. Thoughts of not being worthy to be a mother. Did GOD put this promise in my heart to be disappointed over and over again, surely not.
Over the years we prayed and prayed to become parents. About 4 years ago I reached out to The Doctors TV for help. See the outcome of that reach below:
Journey to Pregnancy
Weight and Infertility
Here we were about to embark on the journey to become parents once again, this time it was different. We felt a sense of hope. The doctor we were working with set realistic expectations with us. During our initial consult he explained that with my history he was pretty confident we could get pregnant but that it may not happen the first time around. He wanted us to be prepared to face several trials as we tried different meds. We agreed and we began our journey on an IUI Cycle March 11, 2018.
I remember March 26, 2018 like it was yesterday. It was the last time I’d be checked to see if any follicles had matured. The ultrasound was done and the doctor found one follicle had matured. In that moment I broke down crying the happiest of tears, in that moment I knew I was going to be a mother. I knew after all the years of praying, treatments and trying that this time was going to be successful. I recall the doctor saying “Don’t cry yet, it’s the first step” in case I didn’t get pregnant he didn’t want me to be discouraged. In my heart I knew this was it! Before I left his office I was given further instructions and told to take a home pregnancy test on April 9, 2018. The time between March 16 and April 9 seemed to take forever. Everyday that went by I would look for signs that I was pregnant. Signs based on things that I’d read or heard that one would feel as I’d never experienced pregnancy for myself.
The first sign arrived on April 2, I was exhausted. I’d never been so excited to feel this way. I know it may sound weird, but it’s what happens when you’ve wanted something for so long. Over the next few days I’d began to experience more symptoms as well. I was so sure I was pregnant I wanted to test early. I’d spoken to my husband and he thought I should wait so that if the test was negative I wouldn’t be disappointed. We later decided I would take the test early with the expectation that my body may not have yet produced enough of the pregnancy hormone. I tested on April 7, it was negative. The next 2 days were the hardest to get through. I was so anxious.
It was 3:09am on April 9, 2018 test day! I awoke and took the test. This had to be the longest 3 minutes of my life. Then it happened, words I’d longed to read for what seems like a lifetime appeared on the screen “Pregnant”. We’d prayed for this day to come for as long as I can remember. Sometimes losing faith that our dream would come true. As a woman it’s hard when you’re asked, “When are you going to have kids?” My response has always been the same, “When GOD says so” Believing, but never knowing when he would.
I gave the clinic a call to inform them of the home test results, they setup bloodwork in order to confirm the pregnancy. On April 11, 2018 our babies pending arrival was confirmed. April 27, 2018 was the best day in the world, we heard babies heartbeat for the first time; it’s still the best sound in the world. The dr. advised that babies heart was strong and that it looked as it should for a baby at 4 weeks old. Our last appointment at the clinic was May 11, 2018. We heard babies heartbeat for the 2nd time and we were released to obtain prenatal care. On May 30, 2018, we found out we were having a BOY!!!. We were so thrilled, all was going fairly well. Then on June 11, 2018 at 13 weeks our lives changed.We were at our visit with the perinatologist. The ultrasound tech had come in and completed the initial ultrasound. When the doctor came in he explained to us that he found a small abdominal wall abnormality on our son called an Omphalocele. This is a rare abdominal wall defect in which the intestines, liver and occasionally other organs remain outside of the abdomen in a sac because of failure of the normal return of intestines and other contents back to the abdominal cavity during around the ninth week of intrauterine development. Our world was rocked. He explained that this diagnosis would be confirmed at our 20 week ultrasound.
The time between June 11 and July 30, 2018 was very rough on us. At times I would break down crying and praying, praying and crying. July 30, during our 20 week ultrasound it was confirmed that our son had 1 of 2 possible abdominal birth defects, Gastroschesis or Omphalocele. It was explained to us that babies with this defect often have additional abnormalities or genetic conditions. After explaining the differences of the conditions to us we were given some options to think about regarding whether or not to continue with the pregnancy.
The first option was to have an amniocentesis to see if the baby had any additional genetic abnormalities. This is where a needle is inserted into the woman’s stomach and fluid is drawn and then sent to be tested. This test came with a small chance of miscarriage. The second option was Termination. This would mean ending the pregnancy. The Third was to proceed with the pregnancy knowing and understanding the risks. We had already had genetic tests done that came back normal and decided against having the Amnio done. Termination was NEVER an option for us, we knew that GOD had chosen us to become parents after being married almost 14 years and after many failed attempts at fertility treatment. We would continue the pregnancy knowing the risks while continuing to pray for the best outcome possible.
After making our decision we were referred to a neonatologist, pediatric cardiologist and surgeon as their teams would be present at babies birth; along with Sutter Special Start, a program that would help with coordinating these appointments, support groups and a tour of the NICU. The next several weeks would be daunting, we would meet with all the specialists and take a tour of the NICU where the baby would go immediately after birth to be assessed and cared for.
August 2, 2018, we went to the pediatric cardiologist. We had a Fetal Echocardiogram done and …. Praise Report!!!! Our sons heart was fine, all 4 Chambers were there and it was the size it should’ve been. The cardiologist was looking to see if there was a hole in the lower chamber of the heart. This will be checked again when the baby is born.
August 10, 2018, we had the consultation with the surgeon. After speaking with her she gave us 3 possibilities.
- Immediate surgery at birth for a cord Omphalocele.
- Pray and wait for a small Omphalocele and then surgery at 1 year old.
- Major and may need to wait months before baby comes home.
Sept 13, 2018 we met with one of the neonatologists that may be treating the our son the day of birth. We also took a tour of the WCC, Floors were L&D, Postpartum and NICU.
October 23, 2018 our twice weekly non-stress tests began, these tests are to check amniotic fluid levels, babies heart rate and activity. We would have these tests done up until the Friday prior to delivery.
We had our last visit with the perinatologists that had been following us on November 19, 2018. Ever since the diagnosis our son showed he was a fighter. Due to his size and the condition it was confirmed that I would have him via c-section. Although this wasn’t my choice, it was the best option for baby and I.
December 10, 2018 was the happiest day of our lives. At 2:08pm Cayson was delivered weighing 11lbs, 10oz and 21 inches long. He was born with a small omphalacele containing a portion of his intestines. After a few quick photos he was taken to the NICU for assessment and care. Through it all the lesson I learned is that no matter what is said or expected GOD can change the outcome! I expected that Cayson would spend months in the NICU but I prayed that he wouldn’t. GOD answered my prayers again, Cayson spent 6 days in the NICU and was released one day before our 14 year anniversary, he is the best gift we could’ve asked for.
Our son is our miracle!
I was reminded by a mom of the scripture in Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,”declares the LORD,” plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.