Written by Elizabeth Angelakis, Guest Blogger
Exactly two weeks after my D&C is when I would have been 13 weeks pregnant, which happened to fall on April 1st.
I found out I was pregnant at the beginning of February after trying for a couple of months and we were so excited to get pregnant so quickly considering I had endometriosis and didn’t know what my fertility would be like. I would have been 13 weeks pregnant on April 1st and thought that would be a fun way to announce, except no one would believe it so we went back and forth on waiting until the day after. We eventually decided it would be fun to do it on April fools and follow with another announcement the next day. So April 1st played a big role for us in my pregnancy.
On March 15th, at 10.5 weeks we went to our first ultrasound and got the devastating news, there was no heartbeat. At first I was in denial and kept trying to calculate everything to make it all add up since the baby was measuring at 6 weeks. My doctor called it a missed miscarriage which I had never heard of before.
I was really dreading April 1st coming around and wanted to skip over it knowing it was supposed to be such a special day for us. It was a Friday morning, and when I woke up that day and grabbed my phone to scroll through Facebook, the first thing I saw was a pregnancy announcement, from someone relatively close to me. It was a photo of an ultrasound and it was as real as they get. My first thought was, why am I finding out on Facebook and shouldn’t I had been told personally, especially after what just happened to me? I believed it for a little while and then given the day I started to question it. I had so many mixed emotions of jealousy, thinking how unfair it was and this was supposed to be me announcing my pregnancy today! when I realized it was a ‘joke’ I was furious. Why was this person being so insensitive? How could they do that to me?
The comments were both, people congratulating them and others calling them out on their prank. I was devastated. As soon as I confirmed that it was in fact an April Fools prank it hit me even harder. And just to be clear, this was everything BUT funny. Although I doubt this was the intention, I felt mocked and targeted as if all of this was to make fun of me and rub it in my face – the timing of it was all just terrible.
I cried over this, a lot, because to me it wasn’t just that this person knew what I was going through and didn’t understand it, or that it was just a bad joke, it was because this was supposed to be my special day to announce a REAL pregnancy and I had nothing.
My day of celebrating what would have been a safe milestone was a day of grief as I sat there still recovering from my D&C, and trying to comprehend it all.
I had no idea if I could ever get pregnant again or have a healthy pregnancy. I felt so awful and as if everyone quickly forgot about what I just went through. Granted no one needed to hang around and cry with me until I felt ok and accepted this but making jokes about something that I was grieving over felt terrible. Everyone had moved on with their lives but I was still dealing with a loss.
The comments kept adding up and Facebook hated me that day too because it was constantly on the top of my news feed. Reading them made it even worst, because again this was supposed to be me. Every time I saw it come up I wanted to write “IT’S NOT TRUE!!!! Not funny, please let’s move on”.
The weirdest part to me was that this person had gone through a loss themselves. How could you forget how awful it is and be ok to joke about it while someone so close to you is suffering? None of it made sense to me.
After pointing this out to a few people I got some comments like “it’s not a big deal”, “you’re over reacting”, or “it’s just a joke, don’t be so sensitive.” All of that made it way worse. How dare you tell me I’m overreacting? I just lost my baby and I don’t want to hear about how excited you are about your fake pregnancy when I was supposed to be the one telling you about my real one. Obviously not everyone thought I was crazy to be upset and agreed with me that it was out of line but what was I supposed to do about it, pick a fight? That’s not how I deal with things because not everyone understands so I ignored it and moved on.
This April Fools joke is one of the most common ones you hear every year and I never thought anything of it until I dealt with it first hand. There’s nothing funny about pretending to be pregnant, especially in today’s lifestyle with social media where so many are watching. And the thing is, you don’t know who’s watching. You don’t know who’s behind that screen and what their pregnancy, or fertility journey is like. To you it might be so innocent but there’s someone out there that will be very hurt over it.