Today I’m thinking back to the special day I found out I was pregnant!!! Eeeee! I remember that December day like it was yesterday. I knew I was a couple of days late, but that wasn’t uncommon after several miscarriages and lots of infertility treatments, but I also didn’t want to jump the gun and take a test too soon. Believe me, it’s extra disappointing when the test is negative month after month. And even though Doctors told me I would never be able to get pregnant, it didn’t mean that every 30 days I wouldn’t get my hopes up and pray for a miracle.
So on this particular day, I worked out in fact it was the hardest workout of my life, went out to lunch with my Mom and Grandma then finally couldn’t wait any longer to take a test. I drove to Target and bought 2 pregnancy tests without telling anyone, not even my husband. I sped home practically hyperventilating with anxiety and excitement. Something just felt different this time. My heart pounded out of my chest during that excruciating 2 minute wait, but when I finally peeked at that little white stick I couldn’t believe my eyes. I fell to the bathroom floor crying uncontrollably saying “Thank you Lord, thank you Lord” over and over. I don’t know how long I laid on that cool white tile just sobbing and talking to God. It was like I could breathe again for the first time in years.
Yet even in that joyful moment I immediately recognized that the chances for a viable pregnancy were very slim, so right away I had 2 thoughts. #1 At least this is progress. I hadn’t a positive pregnancy test in 2.5 years…let alone any positive news in the fertility department. This is finally something GOOD! #2 Even if this ends in a miscarriage, which is pretty likely considering I’d already had 2, at least we can do an autopsy on the embryo and get some answers. I know….kind of morbid, but after so much heartache and disappointment you learn to always look for the silver lining. Fortunately, none of that was even necessary.