Babe In My Arms, Blogs

From Hopeless to Hopeful

February 1, 2018

Written by Michelle Hoti, guest blogger

Ever since I was a little girl I dreamt of being a mom. I loved playing the “mom” whenever I would have playdates and I was so close to my mom growing up. I would often tell her how I couldn’t wait to be a mom just like her and how she was the best mom to me. Unfortunately, my mom got very sick with stage four cancer when I was only 5 and passed away when I was 13.

My husband and I were married when I was 28. We started trying to have a baby the day after we got married. After a year of trying, we still had no luck. Everyone around me was getting pregnant and I was so happy for them, but in the inside I was hurting so bad.

In December, we went to a fertility doctor that my husband had found. We instantly felt they were a match to help us on our journey. We first did an HSG, which was horrible! But luckily, my tubes were completely clear so it was onto the next test, which was an MRI. I remember it like it was yesterday. My doctor called me with the results and said I had a bicornuate uterus which means my uterus has two horns and a heart shape, along with a wall inside essentially dividing it. I had a hard time processing what that meant! She said it doesn’t usually cause infertility, but in my case, it might be the cause. So that being said, we couldn’t try the first step of Clomid due to the uterus being in half. She recommended we try 3 rounds of IUI, even though it was only a 5 percent chance, it was worth trying.

We agreed and went on to do the IUI. I did monitoring each morning to check my ovaries and do blood work, then after the IUI, I would wait two week to see if I was pregnant. The call always came at 2:00 p.m. so I’m sure my poor preschool students could tell something was up! On those days my head wasn’t attached because I was so eager to hear and each month it was no after no. It was so mentally, emotionally, and physically painful.

After the 3 unsuccessful rounds, we moved on to IVF. I was so scared, nervous, but also excited. I also decided to see an acupuncture and drank an herbal tea while undergoing IVF, just in case it would help. My husband and I went to take the class to learn how to give me the needles and how the whole process would work. While it was incredibly hard, we prayed and prayed for this to work and grew closer  to one another during this journey that God wanted us to go through together.

On the day of the egg retrieval we got 18 eggs! But what I didn’t realize was that each day, you could would lose the eggs due to them not fertilizing or the embryos would stop progressing. In the end, we had three embryos. We decided to transfer one and anxiously awaited to see if this would be our time.

It was.

We were pregnant! I was so happy, but also so scared. I felt as if it was too good to be true. I only did one round of IVF, but had read stories people going through it 5 times with no success so it was hard to believe that this was real. I couldn’t believe I was so lucky! But, at the same time, I was beyond terrified of losing the baby. I went to my RE very frequent due to my pregnancy being high risk with my bicornuate uterus. There was a chance the baby could come early.

But, I went on to have a healthy and happy pregnancy, and our little Gianna Nicole came only 2 weeks early! We feel so blessed and could not have been more in love.

Infertility is hard and can feel so isolating. But I feel strength from the community of others who have experienced it. The support from friends, family, and even strangers, helps when you are on this journey. I love reading peoples stories because it helps you get through it and to show that you are not alone and that there is hope!

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