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Fat to Fertile

June 6, 2018

Written by Nicola Salmon, guest blogger

I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t on a diet. Every positive thing I did for my health (and there were lots) was a weight loss attempt in disguise.

I started a couch to 5K running program and limped round a couple of 10K running events. I tried a shake replacement diet. I went paleo. I brewed and drank disgusting Chinese herbs.

I could go on but I wont bore you.

My life goal was to lose weight. The amount I wanted to lose varied with my waist size as it seemed the more I tried to lose weight, the bigger I became.

I was diagnosed with PCOS at 16 and told I wouldn’t be able to have kids. After doing some research about PCOS, I found information (I have no idea now how reliables my sources were) that suggested that having PCOS meant you were overweight and that it was very difficult to lose that weight.

So that was my story and it became my identity. I was the fat girl with PCOS who couldn’t lose weight.

The problem with that is that in our society being overweight is unacceptable. Being fat is the worst thing you can be and people make awful judgements about you based on this.

People have laughed in my face on the train. One old man stopped me on the street and told me I would be so pretty if I lost weight. And these incidents are a tiny drop in the ocean compared with other abuse fat women have to deal with on a day to day basis.

I dread to think about the amount of my time and energy I have wasted obsessing about what I “couldn’t” eat, feeling guilty about what I did eat, bingeing because I thought I’d fucked it all up then waking up the next day and doing it all over again.

I’ve never been diagnosed with an eating disorder but I know that this is not a healthy way to think about food. My every waking thought was about food – that and how much I hated my body.

So what changed?

One day I realised that I had a choice. I could waste the rest of my life trying to reach the perfect body or I could bin the scales and do something important with my life.

I started small. I stopped weighing myself and vowed to never weight myself again (2 years and still going strong). That number defined me for far too long.

And now I want to help you. There are a million people out there who want to help you lose weight in order to get pregnant. I’m not one of them.

If you are sick of being told that you can’t get pregnant because you are too fat. If you’ve been told you need to lose weight before you can get any medical support then this is for you.

This is NOT a weight loss program. This is a be healthy, get pregnant and f*ck what anyone else thinks about your size program.

And I know this first hand. I got pregnant with both my healthy happy boys easily whilst I was “morbidly obese”

If this is exactly what you need, sign up for the waitlist here.

Nicola Salmon is a gentle warrior for fertility freedom and a proud, fat feminist.

She supports women to reclaim their health and fertility, regardless of age, size, sexuality or ability, using natural medicine, support and virtual hugs. Every woman should have access to fertility support, no matter where her journey has led her in the past.

Her life mission is to change the way that women are supported when they are creating their families. She wants to give every woman the opportunity to embrace their bodies and fertility, messily and without judgement.

Babe In My Heart, Blogs

The Waiting and Waiting and Waiting Game

May 15, 2018

By Rachel Roth, guest blogger

When people would find out that we struggled with infertility, two topics were commonly brought up: fertility treatment options and adoption.

My husband and I came to adoption after exhausting our fertility treatment options financially and emotionally. (If you don’t know my story, you can read about it here). We researched agencies and different types of adoptions. Upon choosing an agency, they told us that domestic adoption has an average wait time of one year whereas international adoption can have anywhere from two to five years depending on the country. Since at the time we went through this process we were childless, we decided on domestic infant adoption.

The process began with a lot of paperwork. 75 pages worth. It felt like being back in school with a TON of homework. Then there were physicals. And clearances. And SIX letters of reference. All of that was before we got to the three interviews, which were two hours each. Once accepted into the program, we had to make something called an adoption profile book. It’s like a digital scrapbook for expectant families to look through to get to know you as a family.

Once that was made, we began to wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Does this sound familiar to anyone who has had fertility treatments? That dreaded “two week wait”? You would think we would be MASTERS at this whole waiting thing after just having gone through all of that. Not so much.

When there is an expectant mother/family we might want to show our profile to, our agency will notify us on a private message board online. We get details about the situation and have about 48 hours to pray and think about whether we are ok with the known aspects of the situation – the expectant mom’s medical history, expectant father information (if available), how involved the expectant mom wants to be in the baby’s life, number of visits per year she desires, etc. If we feel comfortable with the information, we tell the agency it is ok to show the expectant family our profile book. However, if we say yes to showing our profile, we are committing before being chosen. If we show our profile and she chooses us, we are expected to move forward. It’s a lot of pressure to make the right decision in 48 hours.

A few weeks ago, we were notified of an expectant family. It was a difficult decision because there were some things in the medical history that concerned us. We ultimately decided that God wanted us to adopt and that meant trusting Him through the process. So we told the agency it was ok to show the family our profile. A few days later I received a phone call I have not gotten in 6 months of waiting: “The birth mother wants to meet you.”

It was a strange feeling – on the one hand it was thrilling to get this far. To know that we were closer to bringing home a sibling for our son. On the other hand, it brought along a whole host of questions and concerns.

What do I wear? I don’t want to show up in my Sunday best, but I’m certainly not showing up in my yoga pants.

What do I say? There are so many aspects of this that are sensitive. I don’t want to say or ask anything that might offend her, but I also don’t want to be dishonest and misrepresent ourselves.

What do I ask? There are a couple of topics that are off limits because of her specific situation.

How do I act? I can feel awkward in certain social situations and this definitely fits that category. We will be sitting in a room with a woman who has a child that we are hoping she allows us to take home to be a part of our family. Oh, and it won’t be just the three of us. It will be the three of us, her mom, the social worker, the pregnancy counselor, and the intern. Just an awesome circle of awkward.

What do I bring? Our agency suggested bringing a gift to her as a way of saying thank you for meeting us. Problem is, we are not the only couple she is meeting. She hasn’t chosen us and may choose the other couple. This is basically just an interview. The agency suggested flowers or candy, but that isn’t us. (I eventually settled on a homemade “thank you” card and a candle of our favorite scent).

Mind you all of these questions came to mind in the 10 seconds I got off the phone with the social worker. The next few days were spent doing research, talking to the social worker, and praying. In the end, I figured it was likely the expectant mom felt as nervous and awkward as I did!

As it turns out, all my questions were moot. I received another phone call that I haven’t ever gotten before: “The birth mother changed her mind. She only wants to meet the other couple.”

My first reaction was “Why? What did we do? What’s wrong with us?” The answer is nothing. We just are not a fit for this expectant mom. It’s not meant to be. And that’s ok.

And so we continue to wait. Wait for another opportunity. Wait for another phone call. Wait to be chosen. Wait for our child.

Babe In My Heart, Blogs

From the Pain a Project Is Born – Nine 16 Designs

May 11, 2018

Written by Shannon Hughes, guest blogger

Once upon a time, my husband and I had the conversation about building our family and after about 2 minutes, we decided that it was time to start trying. Little did we know that it was not going to be as fun and stress free as they make it seem. Flash forward 3 years, and there were still no babies in our house. Something wasn’t right.

After several tests, on both our parts, we were diagnosed with infertility and jumped right into this world filled with appointments, medications, ultrasounds, injections, emotions, a lot of questions and A LOT of waiting. At the time, I was working as a nanny, but the appointments and non-stop feeling like crap (no better way to put it) led me to the life of unemployment. I didn’t mind, because all I wanted to do was sleep.

I had been toying around with the idea to start this side hobby of making t-shirts and selling them, just to give me something to do, but mostly to help distract me from the stress of IVF. Once my job transitioned to ‘stay at home wife’, I took the t-shirt biz a little bit more seriously, and decided that if I was going to do this thing, I was going to do it right.

With that decision, Nine 16 Designs was officially launched as an online apparel shop! 9/16 is the date that my bearded hubs and I had our very first date, so we thought it was fitting for the name of our new venture. Also, it made the logo easy to design and just sounded cool.

The first few months of business were pretty lackluster, but it kept me busy. This was something I needed once we got the results from our first round of IVF…negative. The transfer didn’t work. I was devastated…like, couldn’t breath or stop crying kinda vibes. It was a huge blow to our confidence that IVF was going to work. We never had a doubt in the world that it wouldn’t. To make matters worse, they ran some tests afterwards to see if they could find the reason as to why our embryos didn’t implant. The results were even more devastating than the negative BETA results.

They found cancer in my uterine lining. IVF was off the table for a minimum of 6 months, maybe even more. Now what? What am I supposed to do for 6 months, while we work to get my body clear of cancer cells?

I decided that I wasn’t going to just sit around and mope, so I jumped back into the business but this time, I decided that it needed something more. I wanted to DO something more.

I had been trying to think of an organization that we could team up with, to donate a portion of our proceeds to, but nothing was really clicking for me. I wanted it to be a good one, one that I would have a passion for. I didn’t really want to team up with big companies that wouldn’t directly benefit from our donations.

Then one day it hit me.

I had gotten to know SO many individuals struggling with infertility and the number one topic, or cause of stress during this process was money. The cost of fertility treatments is overwhelmingly high. You could buy a brand new car and pay cash for it, then probably buy a few designer purses or Rolexes on top of that. That’s the kind of money that people are dishing out, just for the CHANCE of having a family of their own.

So that was it. I wasn’t going to work with an organization, or any big companies. I was going to work with individual people, and I was going to work with as many of them as possible.

With that, Project 1:8 was created, and I was SO excited about it. We started asking people to share their stories with us, and spread the word. We would choose a couple, or individual, and work with them for a two week time span spreading the word about their story, sharing their pictures, and just letting the world get to know them. Any order that was placed during that two weeks, a portion of the proceeds goes into a pot for the couple to get. We also opened up a direct donation link, for those that didn’t really see anything in the shop that they liked.

When we started, our list of applicants was about 10-15 people. We are now only a few months into it, and our list has grown to over 100! It is our goal to work with every single one of these warriors, and even though what we donate might not be in the thousands, we know that every little bit helps. We’ve helped pay for entire orders of progesterone, we’ve shared the word with friends and families, resulting in large direct donations, and most importantly, we’ve helped get the word out about infertility.

As my husband and I struggle through our own treatments, it has been a very welcomed task to organize and run Project 1:8. We are thrilled to be able to help others who aren’t fortunate enough to have insurance coverage. We are even more excited that we are getting the word out there. I will continue to spread the word, share the love, encourage and support any and all men and women who are going through this extremely difficult time.

At the time this post is being written, we have donated over $2,000 to our applicants, and it is my hope that that number grows exponentially over the next several months.

<3

Want to win some Nine 16 Design swag of your own? Head on over to our Instagram page for your chance to win!

Babe In My Arms, Babe In My Belly, Babe In My Heart, Blogs

From WTF Sisters: Successful Frozen Embryo Transfer Tips and Tricks

April 17, 2018

Infertility isn’t a journey anyone should travel alone, and sometimes our biggest supporters are others we haven’t met physically, but have interacted with countless times through social media.

Last month, a sister came to us with a question about what others did to help an embryo stick after a frozen transfer. We posted the question on our Instagram because we knew you would answer the call. You did not disappoint or let this gal down! The responses were so amazing, we wanted to share with the whole community!

Here are some of the highlights:

Image courtesy of American Pregnancy

Acupuncture: 

“…good ole fashion Chinese medicine and acupuncture! Most docs will say no to the herbs but yes to the needles. Best thing I ever did.” – @katiedlwood

“I also agree with acupuncture. I did my doctoral study on acupuncture and embryo transfers.” –@vacay_girl_ali_dnp

“Acupuncture! I did it for 4 weeks prior to transfer then the day before and after transfer.” – @dawnsterzzz

“My acupuncturist gave me a Moxa treatment several days before my transfer.” – @pamelaf77

“I agree about acupuncture! It didn’t help with any medicated cycle but my first FET stuck and I’m 33+ weeks pregnant!” – @kwmcm

Image courtesy of Gaiam

Diet and lifestyle:

“I did acupuncture leading up to my transfer, and right before & immediately after the transfer. I ate pineapple (the core) for a few days leading up to my transfer and then a few days after. No caffeine (even chocolate and decaf coffee were cut out sadly) to increase blood flow to the uterus. The Circle & Bloom IVF meditations were great for me, too. My doctor required bed rest the day of the transfer and the day after and I really loved that time to relax and take it easy!” – @vmmayer

Agree with Circle & Bloom meditations and walking helped my mindset too. I did acupuncture along with the transfer and during the TWW.” – @simplywellcoaching

“Circle & Bloom guided meditations! They have them specific for FET and I really think they helped me relax and visualize success.” – @lyndsaysmiles

“I’ve read about a ton of stuff. They say pomegranate juice and Brazil nuts could help.” – @latersbaby0829

Unsuspecting protocols:

“I did a Lupron FET…and it was successful! I also took 30 Viagras that time to help with my lining.” – @mrs.kuddles

I used Viagra for my lining, but just a week and had endometrium scratching.” – @little_beea

 

What did you do leading up to and during your successful FET cycle? Drop your experience and advice in the comments below! And be on the look out for our next post from WTF sisters around unique ways to raise money for those expensive fertility treatments!


It is important to note that What The Fertility is not a medical website and the content here is in no way a substitute for professional medical advice or treatment. You should always consult with your physician or reproduction endocrinologist about your course of treatment, what is best for your body, and address any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.

Babe In My Heart, Blogs

When Social Media Steals Your Joy

April 10, 2018

Written by Nichole Czarnecki-Cayer, guest blogger

March 2017. It’s been one year since my fiancé and I started trying to conceive after my first laparoscopy and endometriosis diagnosis. A year of high hopes that slowly diminished with each cycle. Our dreaded “infertili-versary”. An anniversary really not called for any sort of celebrations; except for a pregnancy announcement posted up on social media.

They were the first of our friends to announce a pregnancy (which is truly exciting) through the time we’ve been trying to conceive. But of course, when it rains it pours and it just happened to be announced a week after calling my gynecologist to book our “when we hit one year with no two lines” appointment (to make this time even more exciting, my gynecologist just so happened to give birth to her baby a week prior to our phone call. We didn’t even know she was pregnant because it’s been so long since we seen her!). At this time our friends did not know that we have been trying to conceive, let alone now officially being diagnosised with infertility.

In that moment, staring blankly at my phone screen, I have never felt such a twist of emotions between jealousy, disappointment, disbelief, and guilt. At the first glance of that pregnancy announcement, the guilt set in quickly after jealousy flowed through. I felt like such a terrible person for being so envious of our friends. The jealousy and guilt sat so heavily in my chest. Our good friends were announcing their first pregnancy and a new adventure in their life! We should be genuinely happy for them and jumping for joy! Instead, I sat there bawling, consumed by how upset I was and disappointed that it wasn’t us making an announcement.

End of March 2017. I began my first social media break. I had to for my own sanity and emotional health. As much as I loved seeing others’ hobbies, travels, art, and smiles, the pregnancy announcement and other people’s adventures with their children tore through my heart. Any time I opened up Facebook, the only posts that my mind would absorb was anything pregnancy, baby, or family related. Every time I caught a glimpse at a pregnancy announcement while scrolling, my heart hurt. I already know that removing Facebook and Instagram from my phone was not going to hide our friend’s pregnancy, but it helped remove me being consumed with comparing how “terrible” my life is and how great other people’s lives were.

Our friend’s life is great. Their joys are meant to be celebrated and not brought down with negativity and sadness. I wanted to show them that we will love and support them through this new journey in their life. But first I had to love and support myself through our own journey. Choosing to remove social media was giving me a chance to refocused my emotions and allow me realize how amazing my life was also.

A couple weeks into my social media break, which ended up being more of a complete break from people all together, my fiancé visited with our soon-to-be-parents friends for the first time after their pregnancy announcement. My fiancé had mentioned to me that through conversation with them, he had shared about our fertility struggle. I actually felt a weight lift from my chest knowing that we weren’t in the shadow any more. Knowing that our friends may now have a better understanding of why we did not respond to their social media announcement. I thought maybe this could be a way for us to be more honest, comfortable, and closer as friends?

After a few weeks of solitude, meditation, and reflection with myself, I felt a calling to log back into Facebook. The first post I saw was a ‘pelvic pain support group’ our friend tagged me in. My heart fluttered – she did understand and she does care! Even through her joys of pregnancy, she also cared about my health and our journey that she just learned of. And I know that they will be there for us through every step in our journey as we will for them.

It’s now March 2018. We have still yet to see two pink lines on a pregnancy test. We’ve been working with a naturopath to guide us on living a healthier lifestyle with a better diet, vitamins, herbal supplements, seed cycling, castor oil packs, essential oils, testing, tracking, blood work, semen analysis, acupuncture, a second laparoscopy. Basically “the holistic works” of infertility trial and error. I’ve grasped better control of my anxiety with social media posts and other triggers. We’ve also opened up on social media and to family and friends about our infertility struggle.

I still take mini social media breaks as soon as I start feeling the sad, anxious, or negative feelings arise when I see baby or pregnancy posts from others.

Our friends are now parents to a beautiful girl whom we, and everyone, absolutely adore. They are so supportive, open, and understanding with conversations about their life as parents and our life as a couple experiencing infertility. We have gained so much emotional support from everyone, including our friends, family and acquaintances that have become parents/pregnant through our 2 years of infertility.

My fiancé and I are determined that this year will be our last year of infertility. In 5 days, we have another appointment with my gynecologist to discuss further fertility treatments and hopefully begin our first round of treatment. But until then, happy(?) 2nd infertili-versary to us!

Babe In My Arms, Babe In My Belly, Babe In My Heart, BFF, Blogs

From WTF Sisters: The Best TTC Advice

March 27, 2018

One thing (well, one of the many) that we love about the What The Fertility (WTF) community is the compassion towards others and willingness to share! Whether that means sharing stories, advice, tips, or just joining in on all the feels when someone is celebrating or needs a pick-me-up!

Last month on our Instagram and Facebook pages, we asked you: “What was the best advice you were given while trying for a baby?” And boy, did you answer! Here’s what some of our TTC sisters had to say:

About marriage while TTCing:

“I’ve learned to take the advice with love, no matter what. But in return, I give them the honesty of my journey. I was depressed. I’ve lost friends. But through it all, I lean into the love of my marriage more and more. That’s saved my soul.” – @bloomingwithcare

“Some of the best advice I got was to remember my husband through the process. Trying for a baby can be all consuming and feel very “mechanical.” Even more so when experiencing infertility! Take time for your partner, check in on their feelings, and remember that you are in this together.” – @laurenjbennett

No success on the actual baby making but just keep talking to your significant other…keep good lines of communication open because chances are they are struggling as much if not more than you are. Keep each other close, don’t let not being able to conceive get in between what brought you together in the first place LOVE. – Alexis

(Image credit: Scary Mommy)

On paying attention to your body:

“Be proactive, get your body checked out to see why infertility may be occurring so you don’t over look or not look at important aspects!” – @sexdoccarli

“Listen to your body. It knows what it’s deficient or nutrient rich in and if I can support you and a growing baby.” – @shreeberry

(Image credit: FertilityTips.com)

Taking the journey in stride:

“Some of the best advice that I received was try not to put so much stress on the process. Take your meds, relax, get a massage, and leave it in God’s hands. Once I really relaxed and put it all in God’s hand it worked. I was on my last cycle of IUI before IVF. Due later this year.” – @mrsnatvirture

“The best is for someone to listen to you and offer no advice.” – Carrie

“Get a support group and block out all the advice and lean on the ones who offer nothing but love- no advice no nothing but being there. And know your partner is in this too- and they might not reach out but they need a person to lean on too.” – Talia

Do you have TTC advice that you would like to pass on to others looking to start a family? Drop them in the comments below! And be on the look out for our next post from the WTF community around ensuring a successful embryo transfer!
Babe In My Heart, Blogs, Uncategorized

Share Your Surrogacy Story!

March 23, 2018

Written by Heather Holden Leddy, guest blogger

I’m a mom and Casting Producer in Los Angeles. I’ve worked on a ton of shows over the last decade which has kept me more than busy! I’ve helped cast everything from Shark Tank to even traveling to Samoa to help with the cast of Survivor a few seasons. It’s been fun and at times not as glamorous as it sounds…but I do get to meet a lot of interesting people and that is what keeps me going. I love hearing people’s stories and it’s always amazing to me how much we all have in common!

My new project has me on an exciting path – I’m working on searching for surrogacy stories with people who used or are planning on using a family member or close friend as a surrogate. This project has become extra special to me because I too have struggled with my own fertility issues. It was a long road for my husband and I and I’m happy to say that at 39, I’m now six months pregnant with our second baby girl!

(Image credit: SimpleSurrogacy.com)

Going through what we’ve been through really gave me a new perspective into the world of trying to get pregnant and made me realize that it’s not that easy for everyone. I have a much greater appreciation for the fertility journey now and know how lucky I am that we were finally able to conceive, not once…but twice.

And now, I’m turn to the What The Fertility community! My hopes are that I can find some inspirational and real stories about the process of gestational surrogacy – from you!

(Image credit: Center for Fertility and Gynecology)

This new docu-series focuses on people that are considering, have undergone, or are currently undergoing the process of gestational surrogacy – from both the prospective of intended mother and the surrogate. A lot of the women I have spoken with have extremely inspirational stories to share about how they have overcome the many obstacles they’ve faced. Family and friendship stories that dispel some of preconceptions of surrogacy are really important and we want to add elements of hope and female empowerment to our storytelling for this project.

So what do you say – will you share your story with us?! Help be the face and voice of hope for so many people who are longing to be parents!

If you have used a family member or close friend as a surrogate and would like to share your inspirational surrogacy journey, please SurrogateStories@gmail.com.

Babe In My Arms, Babe In My Belly, Babe In My Heart, Blogs

I See the Future of IVF and “It’s Finally Positive!”

March 20, 2018

By Tasha Blasi, guest blogger

I did ten rounds of IVF to have my children.  Hudson was round two and Mila was round ten.

When I share this party trick of mine, I can tell if someone has also experienced fertility issues by the next question that they ask me.

For those that have not needed fertility treatments to conceive, they ask, “Wow, how much did that cost you (in dollars)?”

For those that needed fertility treatment to conceive, they ask, “Wow, how much did that cost you (in mental health)?”  

It cost us tens of thousands of dollars.  Maybe $100K? I will never know. I know that we paid out of pocket in full for one round, and then had some insurance covering the other nine rounds, but I am not masochistic, so I carefully avoided adding up the overall total even though I had our IVF bills in one place.   

While the financial toll of IVF came and left quickly for each round (like ripping off a band-aid), the emotional toll of IVF came, never left, and just kept growing and changing (like an infected wound that you never uncovered to look at and just kept hidden under a band-aid).

At first, I was cocky. I was doing IVF in NYC. They had to be the best if they are in NYC, right?  Also, I was young and healthy, and our fertility issues were due to my husband’s low sperm count so we would have no issues creating tons of healthy embryos, right? Plus, I was successful at anything I worked hard at, so IVF will be the same, right?  

Of course, I was wrong about all of those things. Soon, my attitude changed from confident to hopeless.  I was not cocky anymore, I was afraid.

Watching round 6,7, 8, and 9 fail, without even a positive pregnancy test, unraveled me. It didn’t make sense. I had been pregnant before, so my body knew what to do, and I didn’t have any known fertility issues.  

I was confused and felt lost, but I was not ready to give up. For the last round, I made some hard changes. The first was changing doctors for the fourth time. I also worked on environmental and mindset issues that could be getting in the way of my success.  

I am proud of my path and my very pricey children.  I don’t have any regrets in my fertility journey. In fact, my only regret in life is not spending the money to see the original cast of Hamilton. 🙂  

But I don’t want anyone else to make my mistakes and go through what I did for those years.  

For this reason, I left my career and started the FU Project so women can go through their fertility journey so much easier, cheaper, kinder, and quicker than I did. My customized “Method to Motherhood™”  for women is simple and streamlined. I focus on the four elements that need to be solid for IVF success rates to get close to 100% (within two embryo transfers)* vs. the average 35% national success rates for IVF.**

The four elements are Science, Environment, Mindset, and Support.

Today, I work with one woman at a time.  Soon, my “Method to Motherhood™” will be incorporated into the top fertility clinics around the world.  They are already calling, but I am holding off on any partnerships for now.  I need more time to just focus on my program. I am just getting started!

If you would like answers to what is stopping you from getting or staying pregnant, please call me so I can help you.  I offer complimentary strategy sessions so women can learn what might be the missing link in their fertility journey that will finally make them successful.  

I am so grateful and proud to know that soon IVF will focus on more than just the woman’s uterus and ovaries.  And all women will go through a kinder, easier, and quicker IVF journey.

I see the future of IVF and ‘it’s finally positive.”

Tasha Blasi (@tashablasi IG, @thetashablasi FB) is a fertility coach and founder of the Fertilitites Unite Project (FU Project).  She offers complimentary fertility strategy session for some women considering or doing IVF so please take advantage of this opportunity.  You can apply for one at  www.tashablasi.com/connect.  

 

*FU Project’s Method to Motherhood success rates based on 100+ women.
**Source: SART.org

Babe In My Heart, Blogs

That Moment When

March 6, 2018

Written by Brooke Papp, WTF Contributor

One of your oldest, best friends, someone you respect SO incredibly much for their good doings in life, someone whom you have been through so much with…

Tells you their pregnant when you’re struggling with infertility.

They tell you, and instead of hugging them and showing them ALL OF THE LOVE, you shake, crying [ sobbing ] uncontrollably.

It’s not that I don’t want this for her. I actually think she will be one of the best mommies I know. She has the biggest heart, an infectious smile, extreme intelligence. She’s warm and caring. She’s one of those people that LISTENS to you, instead of waiting for you to finish so they can talk. She remembers everything. We can all learn something from her.

Plus? Her and her husband are supes cute and are going to produce ridiculously adorable offspring.

It’s not and never will be that I don’t want this for her, or any of my friends – it’s that I want it for me, too. To go through this journey WITH them.

I left her with the feeling of guilt. I said to myself ‘I just don’t want to talk to any of my friends anymore’, ‘I never have good news’, I will just seclude myself so I don’t show hurt’.

‘I’ll talk to them when things improve’ when I’m ‘less hormonal’.

I called someone, pretty much the only one who knew what that felt like and she begged me to not go into hermit mode. Day to day, I can’t say that I am strong enough that I don’t want to do that. But I’m trying.

Each time I pull up social media I see a new announcement, a new baby picture. I saw S I X announcements on New Year’s Day. A year to the date we conceived last year. Ouch. It’s like a sting I’ve never felt before.

It’s been almost a year since my miscarriage and almost 10 months of trying for another little babe. We found out in November, that I don’t ovulate. Or at least not regularly, at all. So yes, we did get pregnant. But it’s going to be hard to plan and succeed without help.

I start my first round of clomid soon and I’m S-C-A-R-E-D, y’all. Have you ever read the side effects? Um…maybe you don’t want to talk to me for the next few months. Cause? Crazy lady walkin’.

But, with nerves comes crazy excitement. Time to try something new and the hope for the future is real.

Hope for a healthy babe, hope for not being overly crazy and hope for understanding.

I’ll keep you updated, until then…fingers crossed

What The Fertility

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